Abuse and Its Destructive Force

How many abusers do we come into contact with on a daily basis without even knowing that’s who they truly are. They hide behind a facade of being good upstanding individuals of society, but behind closed doors some of them would even put Hitler to shame…

It is a highly sensitive issue which needs to be brought forward, with abusers knowing that the behavior of aggression that they display is no longer acceptable, and the victim knowing that support is out there, and suffering in silence is no longer acceptable.

In my opinion an abuser is a scarred/wounded human soul who has now turned to bullying as a self defense mechanism. His/her target becomes the weakest link, and in domestic relationships which is the focus in this article then becomes the spouse and sometimes even the kids. The abuser preys on his victims vulnerability, fear and powerlessness…

To a victim, abuse can seem like a never ending reign of terror, while the abuser sees the victim as wrong, and someone that needs to be punished.

Both abuser and victim have a false sense of worth, one feels powerful and the other powerless, and not only that, but both have distorted perceptions…

Domestic Abuse – defined as chronic mistreatment in a marriage, can include emotionally abusive behaviors.

Psychological abuse does not always lead to physical abuse in  domestic relationships, but physical abuse is nearly always preceded and accompanied by psychological abuse.

A health and development study shows that while men exhibit more aggression overall, gender is not a reliable predictor of interpersonal aggression, including Psychological Aggression. The study found that whether male or female, aggressive people share a cluster of traits, including high rates of suspicion and jealousy, sudden and drastic mood swings, poor self control, and higher than average rates of approval of violence and aggression.

Now take a moment to “check-in” with yourself to see if you can identify with the above character traits. Thank you for having the courage to do a bit of introspection but don’t stop here, carry on reading through to the end!

Abuse has long term debilitating effects on a persons self worth, the emotions of fear and terror cripples a victim to a point of ” clear thinking brain paralysis” whereby a victim loses power on all levels. This would be the case mostly with victims of physical abuse, psychologically abused victims are all together a different story, they do not characterize the emotional abuse as abusive behavior, simply because these people tend to exhibit a higher than average rate of alexithymia ( difficulty in identifying and processing their own emotions). Again this may not be the case in all instances, but studies have shown that emotional abuse victims do not identify easily with their own emotions.

Steps to overcome abuse…

• Recognizing and acknowledging is the first step in the prevention process. Often victims of abuse have difficulty in acknowledging and seeking for help because her’s/ his self worth has been stripped completely.
• Getting support is of utmost importance, be it from family, friends and even non-profit organizations who fully give their support to victims of abuse.
• Therapy is an excellent form of healing, it allows for all the processing and releasing to take place and the end result is a healthier more powerful healed individual who has gained self worth and self respect.

There are so many healing therapies out there, and EFT being a scientifically proven method used in releasing and healing trauma quickly and effectively.

Choose the method that works best for you, but get the help because you are so worthy of a better life, you have been made to believe that abuse is all you will get and there is no way out… I’m here to tell you that is the biggest lie of all and you deserve to be cherished, loved, respected and nourished.

On a light hearted note Dr John Medina who is an expert on brain rules, when talking about marriage says ” men have to listen to their wives without judging, and women need to know how to speak in a way that men can understand them!”

To a healthier happier you….